This. Isn't. Easy. What appeals to one girl may not appeal to another. What one girl is into, others may not be. Throw technology into the mix and wow! Middle school was tough when I was a child and it certainly hasn't gotten any easier. In fact, I think it has gotten a little scarier!
Last summer, I saw on Facebook that a friend was having a camp which is centered around motivating, elevating and strengthening girls as they move from the tween years into their teenage years. I immediately knew this was the perfect type of program for the girls who are involved with Camp Amica. I called the owner and founder of Girl Smarts, LLC and met with her in October. Yes, I have been planning this week since OCTOBER!!!!
I have also been looking forward to this week since October as the program sounded so amazing!!! I was not only excited that my own two daughters would be participating in such an incredible program, but that I would also be sharing it with other girls in our area. The world our children live in today can be scary and I only want to protect and prepare my own children the best I can.
You know when you hear of something…a book, a movie, a new restaurant and there is all this hype about it and then you experience and it is just ok. Well, I had that same hype about Girl Smarts; HOWEVER, this program not only lived up to the hype, it blew it out of the water!!!!
I will not even try to recreate in words what Dianna so nicely expressed in a daily email to the parents. Yes, she sent daily emails to all the parents of the girls involved so they could talk to their daughter about their day and have follow up discussions!
Here is the email from Day One…..
First and foremost, thank you for allowing and encouraging your girls to attend Girl Smarts. I continue to shape and grow the program in a way that will allow our girls to experience personal growth in a safe environment with their peers. My goal is to share some strategies and techniques with the girls to help them face their futures with confidence. Usually these workshops are presented over months at the schools. Since we are presenting them in such a compressed time, they are very information filled!
Here are some questions to ask the girls about their day:
From “Face to Face”-
“How long does it take to make a first impression on someone?” (3 seconds)
“What was the “third eye” that Mrs. Flett talked to you about.”
“How do you do a proper handshake and why is it important?”
“What is a “good” conversation starter?” (asking people about themselves is always a good point of departure. Also we gave them some starter questions).
“Did you practice all of this today?” (Yes, the girls went from line to line practicing introducing themselves, shaking hands and conversing with others).
From “Words Count”-
“What was the toothpaste exercise?”
“How do girls bully different than boys?”
“Did you finish your paper dolls?”
A more detailed breakdown follows:
“Face to Face”:
Our goal for this session is to equip the girls with concrete skills to make positive first impressions. Girl Smarts teaches the girls how to use the “third eye” to maintain eye contact when they are uncomfortable; how to do a proper handshake and how to hold a balanced conversations using questions they can go to when they are uncomfortable.
Most folks are surprised to learn that we are “hard wired” to make decisions about new acquaintances within seconds of our meeting. Researchers have determined the time required to make that first impression can be as quick as the first 3 seconds (which is usually when we're shaking hands).
We judge even more quickly when we look at photos (in 1/17th of second a person will decide whom they will choose when presented with two photographs of “candidates” running for office).
Your girls learned the importance of posture, eye contact, and “focused listening”. We discussed that handshakes are about making a connection with someone and that research shows for women the handshake is a more important marker than for men. The girls usually make great improvements from their initial handshakes (which I do casually before the workshop to get a gauge on where the group is) and the end of the workshop. I’d encourage you to have the girls introduce themselves to your family friends with the extension of a smile, eye contact and a handshake. The goal is to seat their hand so that the skin just below the thumb (the "L" area if you will) makes contact and that they encompass the full hand (ask the girls to tell you what that “L” part of the hand is called – I’ve told them and hope they remember). I need to put out a warning label on this part of the class. Once folks know what a proper handshake feels like, it's almost upsetting when you don't receive one from someone you're greeting.
One exercise I like during this session is the yarn exercise. We title it “I’m the only one…or am I?” It’s designed to show the girls they are all experiencing many of the same emotions and fears. The girls are asked a question and a ball of yarn is rolled to those who raise their hands. They hook the yarn on their finger and then roll the ball to the girl at the farthest end of the circle. After just a few questions, a web begins to form that is not only a wonderful visual example of their connection, but something they also recognize as very beautiful. In the end, they “rise up” together and discuss what they see.
Your daughters may have mentioned the "third eye". I encourage to locate the position just over the bridge of the nose of someone they are talking to. If they have trouble maintaining direct eye to eye contact, or feel uncomfortable doing so, they can focus on the "third eye" they avoid the discomfort. The person they are speaking with believes they are looking directly at them. I know this works because my 12 year old son says he does it to me all the time when I am fussing at him.
Ask your daughter to show you where the third eye is and practice with you during conversations.
“Words count and sometimes they hurt!”
As I transition into the power of words we go through a lot of material. I want the girls to understand the meaning of the word “empathy”. The wonderful part about this summer program is having the time to spread out the workshop material! I’ve just returned from speaking at the National Conference on Girl Bullying and Relational Aggression and presented many of the techniques that we use in Girl Smarts to the educators present. They are powerful and tangible learning points for the girls. In the toothpaste activity, we ask the girls to squeeze out the contents of a tube of toothpaste onto a paper plate. Of course there is great joy in doing this. I ask them to consider the toothpaste as their words. Sometimes we use our words to spread positive things and sometimes we use words to relay negative things. After the tubes are empty, I ask the girls to use pop sticks and put the toothpaste back into the tube. Of course that is impossible so we talk about the reality of words, texts and images that get out "there" and how it is impossible to take them back. All that you're left with is a big mess that gets places you didn't intend.
Our next activity; the “Paper Doll” activity, teams two girls to create a life-size paper doll by tracing one of their bodies on butcher paper. They give the doll a name, likes/dislikes, strengths and interests.
(On some occasions this is where we break...but my hope is we continue to finish the next portion as well!)
We complete the paper dolls and introduce them to one another and the group. Next I select a hurtful phrase and bully their doll. As a hurtful phrase is said to the doll, the girls will rip a piece of the doll off, representing the damage/hurt caused by bullying and negative self-talk. They usually seemed genuinely sad to do so. After all of the phrases are shared and the paper dolls ripped apart, we talk about how we can ”fix” the doll. We say, "I'm sorry" and discuss ways that we can help ourselves and others “heal” from a bullying experience. The girls will tape their dolls back together with each apologetic phrase I say. Afterward, we discuss how, although the dolls are put back together, the “bullying scars” are still there and that the doll will never look as it had before.
At our session tomorrow we will discuss specific strategies to deal with bullies and give the girls some tools to support them as they move through those less than enjoyable social encounters. And start to talk to the girls about relationships in general and how to be better friends.
Incredible. Amazing. Encouraging. Uplifting.
Here are some pictures I took of day one. Enjoy!
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