After camp, I am filled with gratitude and joy. I laugh at myself for even entertaining the thought of being nervous! I love seeing the week in photos and remembering each moment we shared as a group.
If you look to the margin on the right, you can read (or read again) why I started Camp Amica four years ago. I have loved the past four years more than you know. I love sharing our story with other girls and families. I love helping other girls realize everyone has differences and it is okay to be different. This is how God made us and what a boring world this would be if we were all the same! I love making a difference one girl at a time.
I was a sociology major in college and often wondered what I would do with a sociology major. I honestly just wanted to be a mom. I love children and wanted to have half a dozen of my own. After three I realized three was plenty! God had other plans for me. He wanted me to be a special needs mom. I don't know why, but it is part of his plan for me. He is trusting me with Anna Cate. I can't let him down. And I certainly can't let her down.
Just like any other mother I want both of my daughters to be well rounded, have values, educated and to have friendships. However, for Anna Cate I have to help her blossom a little differently. I have to be her voice and teach others about her.
I believe I am doing what God wanted me to do. Teach others about her. Teach others about other girls like my daughter.
Girl Smarts helped me bring this same message to a group of 26 tweens. The ages between tween and teen are often where girls begin to change and get influenced the most by many "outside" factors….friends, social media, celebrities, etc. Explaining this to a group of girls myself, being a peer's "mom", is sometimes hard. Of course I am going to say certain things as she is my daughter and I am a mom! And many times I feel if they hear the same message from someone else, it may be perceived differently; however, the same message will come across (and they will accept the message better). I see it with my own 9 year old all the time, so I am sure you know what I am talking about.
Day two of Girl Smarts was another incredible day. Another day to help them think about the person they are and the person who they want to be. Realizing words do hurt. And once something is said via voice, text, email, etc., it can never be taken back. One of my favorites quotes is by Maya Angelou...
"I've learned people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel".
Verbal or non-verbal, hearing impaired or non-hearing impaired, blind or has sight, it doesn't matter. Every person no matter who they are have feelings. And this workshop helped reiterate this message to the girls.
Again, Dianna, explains it the best…..
Hello everyone: Some of you appreciate the full lay out of what we are doing but if you just want the highlights, go to the questions and those can guide your discussions with the girls.
Another full morning/afternoon of activities:
Here are some questions from the morning:
So what did you do with your paper dolls this morning? (We finished the work from yesterday and introduced the dolls to the group)
Mrs. Flett said she was going to show you what happened when you bully people using the dolls…what did she mean? (I said bullying comments and then they ripped the dolls they’d just spent so much time to create.)
Did she try to make it better? (Yes, I apologized to the doll and
then we taped the pieces back together.)
How do girls bully different from boys? (They use relationships, gossip, spread rumors, some pushing and shoving, threatening, leaving girls out) Girl Bullying is also known as relational aggression.
Part #2
What is bullying and how is it different from teasing? (There are
THREE elements: *Happens more than once, deliberate, and there is a power differential involved.)
What strategies did Mrs. Flett teach you? (attached)
What is power posing? (See TED Talk by Amy Cuddy on Power Posing)
Did you get a journal?
What do you do with that? (The girls are encouraged to write down what they’re feeling.)
General Information:
This morning we finished up the Words Count session. You can see by the questions above, the girls continued on their journey to figure out what it means to be empathetic.
Our primary focus today was our workshop:
“What cha gonna do when they come for you.”
We give the girls some specific strategies for dealing with bullies during this session. You may have seen they brought home a “Girl Smarts Journal”. I gave the girls the journal and encouraged them to write down incidents where they felt bullying was occurring. I suggested they record when the incident occurred, where the incident occurred, what happened, and who were the witnesses to the incident(s). That journal provides a point of departure for the girls if/when they want to report the bullying to an adult. I stressed it’s important for them to feel empowered by the information they were collecting. In general, journaling is a very positive habit for our young ladies to establish. Research shows journaling provide relief from stress, anxiety and it even helps improve the health in girls with asthma!
If your daughter comes home with stories of bullying, please keep track of what is happening. Print off evidence, record incidents and be ready to report the evidence to the administration when you are ready. Feeling alone is one of the biggest points of despair for a girl being bullied. Assuring them you are there for them will help but also not overreacting gives them security.
We stressed again that bullying is a systematic approach by another person to emotionally or physically harm them on purpose. It does not equate to one push or one bad comment. Those things are important as well but don’t necessarily result in the long term bullying that we’ve all heard of, and been exposed to. Unfortunately, your girls will probably experience bullying in middle school. When we talked about why girls don’t report bullying to an adult, many indicated they worried their parents would overreact. I share that information so you can calm
their worries and ensure them you are a part of the team to help them move forward and stay safe and happy in school. With my own children, we discuss what was occurring, record when, where and who was present when the incidents occurred and then we are able to logically present the information to a school administrator. As hard as it is, keeping our immediate emotion in control is so important to our children. The schools do have positive ways to deal with bullying and in my experience have always been responsive. . I wish I could tell you when it is time. There is no magic moment. But certainly you need to feel ready to speak to the administration when you get to a place you feel appropriate.
We also offered strategies for the girls to use against bullies at the time they are being bullied. I am attaching a list for you to review.
These included very specifically looking the bully in the eye (or the third eye they learned about in our first session); and telling them it was NOT okay to speak to them in that manner. We told them to use the “W”’s in response (ex. “Wow”…”What?”…”Who are you?”). We told had them practice maintaining eye contract for 10 or more seconds which has been shown to put off a bully’s approach; and also practiced answering the bully with questions like “Why do you think I’m a loser?” “Why do you think my shoes are ugly?” etcetera and continue until you exhaust the bully. The idea in all of this is to “Break Contact”. Leave the interaction from a position of strength and not a position of defeat. THEN go back and record the event in their journal. If the girls are receiving bullying emails or texts again please consider that you can print those off the screen or the email and save them for possible future action.
We told them to stand together to support one another but to NEVER put themselves in danger of getting into a fight or altercation with anyone that could put them in harms way. The focus in that sort of situation is to immediately seek help from an adult.
All of these strategies are the result of research I have
done over the years of the program. We hope it supports your girls as they move forward in their social interactions.
Good Sources for you to consider reading:
“Ugly: The story of a bullied girl.” by Kate MacHugh (Really lets you understand what the girls are going through. Doing nothing is NOT an option nor is "walking away" or "avoiding")
“Reviving Ophelia” by Dr. Mary Pipher. (Written in the 90s but still very scary, realistic understanding of the challenges our young ladies face in their middle school years.)
“The Gift of Fear” by Gavin De Becker (I’m working on getting this author to come do a pro bono session on how important it if for us to listen to our initial instincts when we sense something is wrong. It won’t happen till at least 2015 but I’ll keep you on the list of folks to identify!)
In the afternoon we tackled Values.
You can use the list attached to discuss values with your daughters. You may want to use the list as a departure for discussion on your own family values!
Here are some questions to ask your girls from our values session:
“How was the values session?”
“What values did you talk about with Mrs. Flett?”
“Do you remember what she said her definition of integrity is?” (*doing the right thing even when no one is watching)
“What were your top three values?” (if they don’t recall and you would like to know please email me and I’ll send them to you. I’ll just need your daughter’s first name).
“I have the list of values she handed out? Maybe we can talk through them as a family!”
We had some great discussions about what values are and why they are so important. People see us and come to know the kind of people we are through our values. We discussed with them what some family values might be and how they played out in their relationships at school. Next during the session we presented them with about 50 different values. We pointed out some of the key ones in the list of 50 and then we broke down into small groups.
The girls were asked to look at a smaller list of 10 values and then to identify their "Top 3" values from the list. Once again we returned to the larger group setting and then worked to make our "Values Jars". We let the girls pick out jewels (actually glass stones) that had corresponding colors to the Values Key on their jewel jar. They could fill their jars with the jewels and then have them to reflect on as they started their days. Red jewels (rubies) represented family and those were gone pretty quickly!!! It would be interesting for you to see which jewels take up the most space in your children's jars.
Then we led some conversations based around some hypothetical
situations. The girls made decisions on their course of action based on a "value". The girls held up the jewels they would use as they decided how to discuss the issue. It was very cool to see them all holding up their "rubies, diamonds etcetera". We are always surprised at the depth of understanding the girls show on these significant issues.
We hope it stimulates some discussion with your girls on what you consider to be key values for your family as they consider their future actions in social situations. It’s also helpful to help your daughters rehearse answers to uncomfortable questions they may face especially in regards to drug, alcohol and sex. I don’t cover this in this level of workshop-it is too early but want to give you some food for thought. We must help our girls figure out “go to” answers that will save them face, and allow them to avoid a negative behavior. For example: my boys are ALWAYS welcomed to blame it on me that they don’t use drugs or drink. Typical things they can say are “No man, I can’t drink, my mom makes me let her smell my breath when I get home. It’s nuts.” Or, “I can’t smoke weed man, my dad used to get classes on how to literally sniff that stuff out. I’d lose the car and the rest of my freedom.” They can use sports – “Can’t buddy, I’m training.” For our girls, if a young man asks “Do you want to get in the backseat?” Practice her saying “No I’ll stay up here with you.”
Of course your girls now will not likely face these issues; but it will happen and it will happen sooner than you think. In middle school kids are smoking, drinking, cutting and having sexual encounters. This isn’t to scare you or your daughters (again I did NOT discuss these strategies in our workshop); but be mindful of what is going on around her and equip her with a good comeback or response so she can save face and you can keep from going crazy! Tomorrow I’ll encourage them to have a safe phrase they can text or say to you over the phone (so their friends can hear) and you will be able to tell they are in trouble and get them out of danger. In my house the boys know to ask “Are the dogs fighting” and I’ll come. I’ll make a big deal out of it texting things that will allow them to save face with the people present… “I JUST SAW YOUR ROOM, COME HOME THIS SECOND…YOU ARE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE” or whatever will work for you. There is more information here: http://www.modernmom.com/contributors/1095f29c-4af5-11e3-8eab-bc764e04a41e/
If you are interested go to the Modern Moms blog for ways to work through these and more issues.
Thank you for allowing your girls to spend time with Girl Smarts. It is so exciting to see their wheels turning as we discuss issues of such great importance and we appreciate that you trust the program to lead them through these workshops.
Another full morning/afternoon of activities:
Here are some questions from the morning:
So what did you do with your paper dolls this morning? (We finished the work from yesterday and introduced the dolls to the group)
Mrs. Flett said she was going to show you what happened when you bully people using the dolls…what did she mean? (I said bullying comments and then they ripped the dolls they’d just spent so much time to create.)
Did she try to make it better? (Yes, I apologized to the doll and
then we taped the pieces back together.)
How do girls bully different from boys? (They use relationships, gossip, spread rumors, some pushing and shoving, threatening, leaving girls out) Girl Bullying is also known as relational aggression.
Part #2
What is bullying and how is it different from teasing? (There are
THREE elements: *Happens more than once, deliberate, and there is a power differential involved.)
What strategies did Mrs. Flett teach you? (attached)
What is power posing? (See TED Talk by Amy Cuddy on Power Posing)
Did you get a journal?
What do you do with that? (The girls are encouraged to write down what they’re feeling.)
General Information:
This morning we finished up the Words Count session. You can see by the questions above, the girls continued on their journey to figure out what it means to be empathetic.
Our primary focus today was our workshop:
“What cha gonna do when they come for you.”
We give the girls some specific strategies for dealing with bullies during this session. You may have seen they brought home a “Girl Smarts Journal”. I gave the girls the journal and encouraged them to write down incidents where they felt bullying was occurring. I suggested they record when the incident occurred, where the incident occurred, what happened, and who were the witnesses to the incident(s). That journal provides a point of departure for the girls if/when they want to report the bullying to an adult. I stressed it’s important for them to feel empowered by the information they were collecting. In general, journaling is a very positive habit for our young ladies to establish. Research shows journaling provide relief from stress, anxiety and it even helps improve the health in girls with asthma!
If your daughter comes home with stories of bullying, please keep track of what is happening. Print off evidence, record incidents and be ready to report the evidence to the administration when you are ready. Feeling alone is one of the biggest points of despair for a girl being bullied. Assuring them you are there for them will help but also not overreacting gives them security.
We stressed again that bullying is a systematic approach by another person to emotionally or physically harm them on purpose. It does not equate to one push or one bad comment. Those things are important as well but don’t necessarily result in the long term bullying that we’ve all heard of, and been exposed to. Unfortunately, your girls will probably experience bullying in middle school. When we talked about why girls don’t report bullying to an adult, many indicated they worried their parents would overreact. I share that information so you can calm
their worries and ensure them you are a part of the team to help them move forward and stay safe and happy in school. With my own children, we discuss what was occurring, record when, where and who was present when the incidents occurred and then we are able to logically present the information to a school administrator. As hard as it is, keeping our immediate emotion in control is so important to our children. The schools do have positive ways to deal with bullying and in my experience have always been responsive. . I wish I could tell you when it is time. There is no magic moment. But certainly you need to feel ready to speak to the administration when you get to a place you feel appropriate.
We also offered strategies for the girls to use against bullies at the time they are being bullied. I am attaching a list for you to review.
These included very specifically looking the bully in the eye (or the third eye they learned about in our first session); and telling them it was NOT okay to speak to them in that manner. We told them to use the “W”’s in response (ex. “Wow”…”What?”…”Who are you?”). We told had them practice maintaining eye contract for 10 or more seconds which has been shown to put off a bully’s approach; and also practiced answering the bully with questions like “Why do you think I’m a loser?” “Why do you think my shoes are ugly?” etcetera and continue until you exhaust the bully. The idea in all of this is to “Break Contact”. Leave the interaction from a position of strength and not a position of defeat. THEN go back and record the event in their journal. If the girls are receiving bullying emails or texts again please consider that you can print those off the screen or the email and save them for possible future action.
We told them to stand together to support one another but to NEVER put themselves in danger of getting into a fight or altercation with anyone that could put them in harms way. The focus in that sort of situation is to immediately seek help from an adult.
All of these strategies are the result of research I have
done over the years of the program. We hope it supports your girls as they move forward in their social interactions.
Good Sources for you to consider reading:
“Ugly: The story of a bullied girl.” by Kate MacHugh (Really lets you understand what the girls are going through. Doing nothing is NOT an option nor is "walking away" or "avoiding")
“Reviving Ophelia” by Dr. Mary Pipher. (Written in the 90s but still very scary, realistic understanding of the challenges our young ladies face in their middle school years.)
“The Gift of Fear” by Gavin De Becker (I’m working on getting this author to come do a pro bono session on how important it if for us to listen to our initial instincts when we sense something is wrong. It won’t happen till at least 2015 but I’ll keep you on the list of folks to identify!)
In the afternoon we tackled Values.
You can use the list attached to discuss values with your daughters. You may want to use the list as a departure for discussion on your own family values!
Here are some questions to ask your girls from our values session:
“How was the values session?”
“What values did you talk about with Mrs. Flett?”
“Do you remember what she said her definition of integrity is?” (*doing the right thing even when no one is watching)
“What were your top three values?” (if they don’t recall and you would like to know please email me and I’ll send them to you. I’ll just need your daughter’s first name).
“I have the list of values she handed out? Maybe we can talk through them as a family!”
We had some great discussions about what values are and why they are so important. People see us and come to know the kind of people we are through our values. We discussed with them what some family values might be and how they played out in their relationships at school. Next during the session we presented them with about 50 different values. We pointed out some of the key ones in the list of 50 and then we broke down into small groups.
The girls were asked to look at a smaller list of 10 values and then to identify their "Top 3" values from the list. Once again we returned to the larger group setting and then worked to make our "Values Jars". We let the girls pick out jewels (actually glass stones) that had corresponding colors to the Values Key on their jewel jar. They could fill their jars with the jewels and then have them to reflect on as they started their days. Red jewels (rubies) represented family and those were gone pretty quickly!!! It would be interesting for you to see which jewels take up the most space in your children's jars.
Then we led some conversations based around some hypothetical
situations. The girls made decisions on their course of action based on a "value". The girls held up the jewels they would use as they decided how to discuss the issue. It was very cool to see them all holding up their "rubies, diamonds etcetera". We are always surprised at the depth of understanding the girls show on these significant issues.
We hope it stimulates some discussion with your girls on what you consider to be key values for your family as they consider their future actions in social situations. It’s also helpful to help your daughters rehearse answers to uncomfortable questions they may face especially in regards to drug, alcohol and sex. I don’t cover this in this level of workshop-it is too early but want to give you some food for thought. We must help our girls figure out “go to” answers that will save them face, and allow them to avoid a negative behavior. For example: my boys are ALWAYS welcomed to blame it on me that they don’t use drugs or drink. Typical things they can say are “No man, I can’t drink, my mom makes me let her smell my breath when I get home. It’s nuts.” Or, “I can’t smoke weed man, my dad used to get classes on how to literally sniff that stuff out. I’d lose the car and the rest of my freedom.” They can use sports – “Can’t buddy, I’m training.” For our girls, if a young man asks “Do you want to get in the backseat?” Practice her saying “No I’ll stay up here with you.”
Of course your girls now will not likely face these issues; but it will happen and it will happen sooner than you think. In middle school kids are smoking, drinking, cutting and having sexual encounters. This isn’t to scare you or your daughters (again I did NOT discuss these strategies in our workshop); but be mindful of what is going on around her and equip her with a good comeback or response so she can save face and you can keep from going crazy! Tomorrow I’ll encourage them to have a safe phrase they can text or say to you over the phone (so their friends can hear) and you will be able to tell they are in trouble and get them out of danger. In my house the boys know to ask “Are the dogs fighting” and I’ll come. I’ll make a big deal out of it texting things that will allow them to save face with the people present… “I JUST SAW YOUR ROOM, COME HOME THIS SECOND…YOU ARE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE” or whatever will work for you. There is more information here: http://www.modernmom.com/contributors/1095f29c-4af5-11e3-8eab-bc764e04a41e/
If you are interested go to the Modern Moms blog for ways to work through these and more issues.
Thank you for allowing your girls to spend time with Girl Smarts. It is so exciting to see their wheels turning as we discuss issues of such great importance and we appreciate that you trust the program to lead them through these workshops.
I am sure this has left you with questions of your own. Being a "participate" myself this past week along with the girls also gave me a new perspective on many different topics. It made me think of all these topics differently and has helped me to be better prepared to deal with these issues with all my children.
I hope you enjoy the pictures!
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